I want to extend a very warm welcome to Tracey who has joined us in fatblog land :) or as Hilley puts it PRB. The best thing is that Tracey is a fellow South African!!! I'm not alone anymore!!!! yay!!! Please go and show her how nice you all are and give her a warm welcome :) She is a very funky chick and i'm sure she will be very happy to hear from you all.

I was so good with my food choices yesterday. REALLY good! I was craving everything sweet and I just didn't give in. Instead of buying a whole bag of liquorice allsorts, I bought a box of tic tacs. Instead of eating a bag of cashews, I ate a banana. It wasn't easy. I am very much in the "i'm sick so I can eat what I like" frame of mind, but I will beat it!!! One teeeny step at a time!!!

I'm still barking like a dog and am using up boxes and boxes of tissues, but i'm sure I am getting better. I just know I am!!! *bark* :) (I thought that having a wet nose meant that I was healthy) ;) hehe

Today is my grandmothers 80th birthday!! Happy Birthday Granny P :) (not like she'll read this, but still, can't hurt to share). We are going out with the family to celebrate and this will be my first night out after being stuck in bed for a LOOOONG time. It just happens to be freezing cold and windy outside (yup, we are in the throngs of yet another cold front). I shall dress very warm and make sure that i'm not out too late. But yay!! I am going to see something other than my four walls!!! I tell you one thing. I'd hate to be in prison. I think I literally would go mad.

Now i have to come up with a way to kill my liquorice allsorts craving...

Please forgive my absence over the last few days. I have been at war.

There have been many casualties but it looks as though our side might just win after all.

The opposing army is a troop of evil virusians. They are trained in guerilla warfare from the time they are born and damn they are good at it. They first disabled my body's force field (my muscles). I quickly enlisted the help of the special anti biotic forces and they managed to hold the virusians off for a while but then they were wiped out in a counter attack from the North.

Then, in a calculated attack, the virusians sabotaged my ears, my throat, my nose and my lungs. The medical infantry tried their best to help but it was of no use.

Eventually after a long battle and many casualties, I sent a messenger to the king of the Homeopatheans and he kindly sent in his troops to help. They do seem to be a strong force and have so far managed to claim back my ears and nose. They still have a fight ahead of them with the throat region and then the biggest battle of all will be to rescue the lungs in distress.

Seriously, it feels like I have been fighting in a battle for the past week. My body is weak but I can't give up. I am going to win this one!!!

On the eating front... well... lets just call that one of the biggest casualties of all *sigh* I haven't been good, I haven't been exercising and I’m not happy about it at all. What does one do when they are stuck in bed for three solid days!!! Eventually, when the pain killers stop working, I resorted to ice cream to soothe my throat (yeah I know, good excuse huh). Sucking sweets helped too... So did the oven chips etc etc etc... booooohooooooo

I am back at work today. If I feel like shit I am going home but hopefully all will be okay. I do honestly feel like I am getting better now. I am GOING TO BE better by the weekend!!! I am I tell ya!!!

*The smoke on the battle field is now lifting. we see our heroine running off into the sunset. Coughing and spluttering more like it.*

Thanks so much for all the get well wishes :)

Would anyone out there be interrested in doing a body swap? Just for a little while? I'm kind of giving up on mine. It doesn't like me anymore and to be perfectly honest, I am starting to dislike it too. Instead of recovering from my evil nasty virus, I am getting new symptoms. I am sure that I now have an ear infection on top of everything else. I am allowed to sulk okay!!!!

To make things worse (and please no one kill me because I am very angry at myself for this), I got a terrible dizzy spell just after lunch time and I figured that my blood sugar level must have dropped so I ate a chocolate!!!!! *weeeep* I still can't believe I did that. That was the old Beee sneaking back in my moment of weakness. But, whats done is done and I will stick to veggie soup for dinner. The dizzy spell didn't even go away (hence my thought that I must have an ear infection).

But the chocolate was kinda nice ;) NOOOOOOOO it wasn't!!! bad me!!! *slap* - this is basically what is going on in my head right now... I am trying not to get involved ;)

Being sick really is a waste of precious time. I am going to go on strike. I am even skipping my pottery class tonight because I just feel so crappy!!! yes, it is that bad... moan moan moan.

It amazes me how bad, rainy weather brings out the worst in drivers. My poor brother, just bought himself a car about 3 weeks ago and some stupid idiot drove into it (while he was parked in a parking lot) and they didn't even leave a note!!! I can't understand how people can live with themselves after doing something like that. Rude I tell you! Thankfully it is only a smallish dent and can be fixed quite easily, but still. I'd never be able to do that. My conscience would definately get the better of me. Do you find it easy to tell lies?
I do tell the odd white lie, I admit it. I am human. But I find it very difficuilt to lie in general.

I personally think that not being able to lie is a good quality to have. But it has landed me in some embarrassing situations.

I have no idea how I got to that topic... must be my virus. Thats the one good thing about being sick.. you get to blame your strange actions on it. :) Oh, and you get to cough and breathe on nasty people *evil grin*

Did you know that when you have a cough, you shouldn't cough into your hand!!! You should use the inside of your elbow instead. Much more hygenic. It does look a little odd though. And makes it hard to type...

So, yip, thats your lesson for today. byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I left work at lunch time yesterday. I was feeling pretty crappy and went home to have a good sleep. I don't think I have ever slept this much before in my whole life!!! But to be totally honest... I am loving every second of it. Not the sick part, just the being able to sleep guilt free part. I even had more than 9 hours sleep last night!!! And thankfully, no horrible dreams :) I am one of those people who feels guilty for sleeping in because I could be at gym, at the shops, cleaning my house etc...

I am very sure that this is my body letting me know (in a big big way) that it needs a break and that maybe, just maybe I have been a little too hard on it. I have been pushing myself extra hard at the gym and with my dieting. But I REALLY want to look amazing at my brothers wedding. I also REALLY want to be at (or below) goal by my 30th. So I have a lot of work to do. But yes, I am listening to my poor abused body and I am not doing any exercise until I feel 100% again.

Thanks for all the well wishes :)

I have a mountain of work to catch up on today. So I best get started. I hope everyone has a GREAT day!!

So, I went into the weekend feeling super positive but still tired. I put the tiredness down to my new exercise routine. However, on Saturday I started feeling even more tired and miserable. By Saturday night I was aching all over and didn't have any energy. On Sunday morning I woke up with a headache to rival an earth quake and my body felt like it had taken one hell of a beating. My lungs were burning and in general I wasn't a pretty sight.

So I dragged my sorry ass to the doctor (that in itself is a miracle - I HATE going to doctors). After sitting patiently in the waiting room for almost two hours, the doc called me in. He did his little examination and I ended up walking out of his rooms with a bag full of medication (including an anti biotic which he hardly ever prescribes unless you REALLY need it) and strict orders not to do ANY exercise for at least a week. *booohoooo*

I spent the rest of Sunday asleep and the whole of yesterday too and to be honest, I’d so LOVE to be asleep right now. Yip, I am well and truly feeling sorry for myself.

I think the medication is giving me horrible nightmares. I had a terrible nightmare this morning which woke me with a shock at about 3am. I couldn't get back to sleep after that because it was so disturbing and so real! I hate dreams like that and often wonder what on earth is going on in the deepest darkest creases of my brain. Where do we come up with these dreams? And why do some of them feel so real? I am still very upset from that horrible nightmare. I won't bore you with the detail and to be honest, I would rather not remember it at all ;) At least I woke up and I know it was all a dream. whew.

I also got myself into a panic last night. You see, when I was 20 I started getting really bad stomach aches. They got worse and worse until I finally went to see my doctor. She thought that it must be a spastic colon so she sent me off for tests. not a spastic colon. 
She then thought it was an ulcer, sent me off for tests. not an ulcer. Everything that she  thought it could possibly be, it wasn't. So one day I was in agony and I went to see her and she suggested that I go and speak to a psychologist. I was speechless! I knew the pain was real and the fact that she thought I was making it all up was shocking.

Two days later I was in so much pain that I couldn't move or sit still. I was rushed to hospital and after a week of tests they found that I had a blood clot in the vein that goes from my liver to my stomach. So I was piled into an ambulance and rushed off to another hospital and put into the High Care unit. They put me on Heparin (an uber blood thinning medication) and monitored me for another week. I was only 20, it was my first time ever in hospital and it was very very scary. I remember my first night in the High Care unit. I looked around and most of the other patients seemed to be on deaths door. How on earth did I land up there? I started to cry and of course managed to set off all the alarms on the machines that I was hooked up to. The nurses came rushing from all directions only to find me sitting there with tears streaming down my face. At least I can laugh at it now ;) But back to my story.

Last night, I had the most horrible stomach pains. I think it might be a reaction to the anti biotics or something I ate but I honestly thought that I had the clot again. 9 years on and I still panic about it :( I actually have barely even thought about the clot for a long long time, so why worry about it now? My mind is a mess.

Oh the joys of being sick.

So, I hope I haven’t depressed you all too much with this post. But I had to share ;)

I am oficially exhausted! I don't know why. I have been feeling like this the whole week and I just need a day to chill and sleep. I woke up yesterday morning thinking "yay, its the weekend I can go back to sleep" but then two seconds later my alarm started blaring and I realized with a shock that it was, in fact, Thursday! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the injustice of it all... So I grumpily dragged my tired body out of bed. I had given myself the day off gym because I have been pushing myself really hard lately and I had a late night on Wed, thank goodness for that. I think I would have collapsed in a heap if I had gone to gym. The rest of the day was much the same. I had to literally drag my body everywhere. Even pottery was a chore last night. Yip, thats how bad it was.

Today is much better. I am still extremely tired but not nearly as bad as yesterday. At least its Friday :) And because I have now quit going to ww meetings I get to sleep in a little later tomorrow :) I don't actually have anything in particular to get up for *grin* I don't remember the last time I had a day off!!! I am so excited. Knowing me however, I will wake up super early and keep myself awake thinking of all the things I could be doing.

I was chatting to my friend / walking partner yesterday on our lunch time walk. I was saying how proud I am of myself for finally getting my health and fitness in order. Especially now, as I enter my 30's. Quite a few of my friends are still carrying on as if they were 19. Eating badly, not exercising etc. I can see their bodies changing gradually and it isn't pretty. Most of them are very aware of their weight gain or lack of fitness and yet they don't seem to want to change.

I know I shouldn't judge them but I feel great knowing that I will be thin and fit while the rest of the 30 something world isn't. *evil grin*
Am I selfish? NO. I don't think I am. I deserve to be healthy and fit because I am working damn hard on it.

If someone came to me 2 and a half years ago and told me that i'd be gymming every day, cycling in races, RUNNING etc! I would have finished chewing my cheese burger, taken a sip of my chocolate milk shake and laughed in their face.
 
I had completely given up on myself and then *BAM* my life changed forever. I often try and figure out what exactly brought on the change in me. I honestly can't say what it was. I just don't know but I don't really care either :) I am just so happy that my mind did change. I know that I will NEVER EVER go back to the way I was. Sure, I do slip up every now and then. Mostly due to PMS ;) But then I pick myself up again and point myself in the right direction.

There are definately parts of my life that I am not 100% happy with. Like having to go to bed early so that I can wake up for gym the next morning. It has kind of killed my social life. But I allow myself one night during the week to go out and then I give myself the day off gym the following day. (As long as I walk at lunch time) ;) And not wanting to eat out at certain restaurants because I know that it will just kill my points for the day and put me off course. But sometimes I have to bite the bullet and just deal with it. Life happens and I am learning to adjust.

I still have a long way to go to get to where I feel happy with my body.
For now however, I am proud of myself. I am working bloody hard and actually seeing the results.
My body is changing almost every day. I still get thrills when I catch a glimpse of my collar bone sticking out, or my arms starting to tone :)

Yip folks. There is definately hope for us all. We just have to work hard and keep going.

Have a great weekend, be safe and STAY FOCUSED.

So, my blog has been a little sick of late. A big thanks to Kathryn who pointed this out to me. I just thought that you guys didn't love me anymore ;) Well, maybe you do, maybe you don't but I need my blog dammit.
 
So, it is all fixed now thanks to the amazing nj. *big sigh of relief*

As you know I have been exercising up a storm and because of this, my hunger levels seem to be going up and up and up. I am eating very healthy and sticking to my points but sometimes when you've got to eat, you've GOT TO EAT!!!

I had a bit of a moment yesterday afternoon on my way out of the office. I stepped into the lift (elevator) and there were two other people there. So we did the stare at the roof, floor, walls, buttons, door thing and all seemed to be going okay - until my stomach let out a huge big enormous LOUD growl!!! I gave a little cough and shuffled my feet nd then I glanced back at the wall in the hope that the other people in the lift would follow my "clear" line of thinking and would assume that the growl came out of the wall. You never know what lurks behind those things in dodgy lifts...  Needless to say that when we reached the basement, the other two lift occupants raced out of there as if their lives depended on it.
I am thinking of speaking to the building manager about those strange noises... I mean we have to think of our safety you know!!!

It made me think of a few other strange lift (elevator) experiences that I’ve had in the past and one in particular came to mind. I was 19 years old and it was my first time ever overseas. I was in Israel, working at a youth hostel in Tel Aviv. This youth hostel was a great place to meet people and I was having a ball. To get up to the dorms, you had to ride in a VERY dodgy lift that could only carry two people at a time. There was a strict rule that no more than two people were ever allowed in it. So one night, a friend of mine and myself were on our way out and we stepped into the lift. Just as the doors were closing though, two BIG guys jumped in after us. So, the lift started its decent and just kept going. We ended up being very very stuck below the ground floor. Now, as I am sure you can imagine, the lift was extremely small. And having four large adults in there wasn't fun. To add insult to injury, the escape hatch was welded shut and there was absolutely no way out. There wasn't even an alarm bell to ring :( I happen to be quite claustrophobic too. So I closed my eyes and did some meditation (or tried really really hard to). After almost an hour of being stuck in that horrible confined space, someone came to rescue us. And as we all piled out, we were informed that we all had to leave the hostel that night and I subsequently lost my job. So, what we ended up doing instead was going out for drinks until the sun came up and that was the end of that story :)

So, from now on I think I will stick to the stairs. They are much safer and there is less chance of the walls growling at you.

Woweee what a weekend. I feel like i've run a marathon and more :) Well technically I did half a cycle race...

I did a 53km (33 mile) bike ride on Sunday. It took us just under 2 and a half hours. Its my first "real" cycle since the beginning of winters so I was quite impressed with myself. I did struggle quite a bit going up hill and I had to have a word with my legs every now and then because they just weren't listening to me. But overall it was a GREAT ride and I survived :) In fact, I felt amazing afterwards. Today I am still walking so its a good sign too. Next Sunday we are planning on doing a 75km ride. eeeeeeeeeek.

I know I am a LOT fitter then i've ever been in my whole life, But I am really not that fit in the big scheme of things. My lungs were burning during and after my bike ride and I had a very phlemy cough for most of the day. It upset me quite a bit because I honestly thought I was much fitter. I know that with practice I will get there though. I still felt great!!! And yes, it was worth it.

I went to ww on Saturday and lost another 800grams, that brings me to just on 6kg's lost altogether (13lbs) in 10 weeks. I am really happy with how things are going. Yes, it is going VERY slowly. but I am still on track and going according to my plan. When i re-joined ww I paid for 8 weeks upfront and they came to an end this weekend. I am seriously considering going solo again. I am pretty much doing this by myself at the moment anyway (I never stay for meetings and I am better at motivating myself then my team leader). I am also going according to my home scales weight, am super super motivated and I don't think it will effect me too much. At least it will save me a bit of much needed money too.

I think I have lost the ability to socialize. I went to a colleagues daughter's 2nd birthday party yesterday. It was more of a lunch for all my colleagues friends (there were only 5 kids there). But I found myself sitting very quietly in the corner for most of the day. I did try make an effort to chat to people. But I didn't do very well. Why do some people seem to walk into a room and immediately be able to chat to everyone and look so at home? More important, why can't I? I don't think that i've always been this "shy". I don't consider myself as being shy. But I think I am. hehe
I really want to meet new people and expand my social circle, but at this rate I am doomed. How does a 30 something person meet people?

So, this morning I woke up about ten minutes before my alarm went off. Thats about 4:35am. (I use my cell phone / mobile as an alarm clock) So I stretched and rolled over and turned on my bed side lamp. Nothing. So I figured that maybe my electricity had gone out.
I climbed out of bed and opened the curtains only to see nothing. It was pitch pitch dark outside. The moon did help a bit but I realized that this was a power failure in the whole suburb :( I figured that there was enough moon light to see a bit and I had the light from my cell phone too. So I got dressed into my gym clothes but then just as I was putting on my shoes, it dawned on me that the basement, where my car is parked, would be totally pitch dark. AND I wouldn't be able to open the gate. There is a 24 hour security guard on duty, but I know for a fact (having left for gym at that time pretty much every morning) that he most probably would be sleeping and i'd more then likely give him a heart attack. This did not make me happy. Waking up at that time isn't the easiest thing to do and when I can't even go to gym.. well... *sigh*

Anyway, I decided to just climb back into bed and try to snooze for another hour.

I was all psyched up for my brand new training routine that the lovely Kyra helped me concoct. BUT there is always tomorrow :)

I also had a bit of a revelation in the shower this morning (must be my new shampoo). My revelation dear friends is, wait for it.... Life Happens!!
Yip. I know it is very deep and meaningful and its a lot to take in so early on a Thursday morning. But yes. Life certainly does happen.

To me, this means that I must stop being so hard on myself if I miss a day or two of gym. Or if I go out and have a meal that brings me a couple of points over my total. I can't put my life on hold until these 15 or so kg's vanish. I know that I will lose the weight. I am losing the weight. Some weeks might just be a little slower then others. This is a life long commitment on my part, so why get annoyed with myself? It just adds unnecessary stress to my already chaotic existence. :) So, from today I am going to do my best to be nicer to me. So what if I wake up at the crack of dawn, before the birds have even started chirping, only to find that I have no electricity... so what if I am all psyched up for gym and something stops me going. There is always tomorrow!!! (yes, I am repeating myself lots). So what!!! :)

Incedentally, my electricity came back on at exactly 5:50am. And bizarrely the birds started chirping at exactly that same instant. It was very surreal. What is even stranger is that I had been using the moon light to help me see when I first woke up. After my shower, I got dressed, made my bed, opened my curtains to see that the sky was totally overcast!!! Bizarre. I am starting to think that the powers that be were having a little fun this morning at my expense :)

So what!!!! *grin*

So, I can't wait to see what this working day holds for me. What other surprises are out there...

Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode...

I am not a happy person today. I've had a dodgy stomach for the last 3 days and enough is enough!!! grrrr The worst part is that it hasn't stopped me eating.. ho hum. Will just have to keep popping those pills I guess.

I did manage to go to gym this morning which i'm happy about. I'm not sure if it was a wise idea but I NEEDED it. However, I now feel like i've been hit in the stomach by a very large stick. pills!!! give me pills!!!

I'm loving my new heart rate monitor, I find that it makes me want to push myself that little bit more so that I am in the fat burning zone ALL the time :) I'm so glad I bought it.

Tomorrow is a public holiday for us S'Africans :) YAY!!! I love public holidays. I am hopefully going to be able to go on a very long bike ride BUT that depends on the weather (which has been very icy lately). Otherwise i'll just go shopping and spend more money that I don't have :) yay!!!

Excuse me if i'm a bit quiet for the next couple of days but I have a MOUNTAIN of work to get through and I am trying to be good and not blog too much :) Things should be back to normal by next week though.

Yesterday at lunch time, I went with a friend of mine to a factory outlet store that was having a HUGE watch sale. It was one of the best sales i've been to :) They had some amazing bargains. I ended up only buying myself one prezzie but its a good one!!!

It's a Nike Triax C6 heart rate monitor / watch :) I've never had a heart rate monitor before and I am hoping it will help me to push myself further and further in my exercise. Yay. I just have to figure out how to use the darn thing.

I am having issues with myself at the moment. For some reason I feel very bloated and fat. Its not TOM (that has come and gone) and I can't actually find any reason for it. I am also creeping up slightly on the scales and it is really upsetting me. This morning I weighed in at 85kg!!! :( I am supposed to be 83 or under by now.. This is bad.

So I was all grumpy and feeling sorry for myself and then I took a look at my tracker for this week. I have gone over my points almost every day!!! It is only by about 2 or so points but the fact is that it is OVER!! That is bad! What is going on with me?? I could blame the cold weather, or I could blame the war, or I could blame the guy sitting next to me. But if i'm honest with myself. It is all me. I have to pull myself towards myself (love that saying) and slap myself in the face and get back into it. Enough is enough!!! Why am I doing this to myself? I have been doing so so well and I am on track and now this?? It is very strange. I am not going to go to ww tomorrow. I know this is probably wrong of me but I do NOT want two gains in a row. I am going to use this week to get myself back into gear and mark my words. Next week I WILL lose weight!!!

So, my game plan for today is to not have any milky drinks (tea, coffee, light hot chocolate) and stick to the herbal teas. I am going to eat VERY slowly and concentrate on what i am eating. I am going to be so focused this weekend too. Last weekend was BAD. I lost the plot and I haven't really gotten it back. So this weekend i'm being really tough on myself.

I can't undo all the good that I have done. No way! grrrrrrrrr

On another completely different note. I bought myself a pedometer two weeks ago (just before the 10km walk). It is linked to my medical aid and for every 1000 steps I take, I get points (which earn me discounts on things etc... ) So, I had just about accumulated 70 000 steps, (I was about 1000 steps away) and then last night I got home, took the pedometer off and glanced at it only to see that the stupid thing had reset itself!!! Oh the injustice in this world!!!! *sniff*

So, today is a new day for my self control, diet and steps :) Aren't I lucky (yes, that was slightly sarcastic).

So guys, have a GREAT weekend and STAY FOCUSED!!!!!! I for one am going to do just that!!

****LATER****

omg guys!! I am so so so proud of myself right now *grin*. Our boss decided that he wants to buy us lunch today. They have chosen to get Italian (pizza / pasta etc). They sent a menu around and I decided that I am going to stick with my home made salad and not get Take Aways!!! omg!! I am still in shock!!! Go me!!!! They had salads on the menu but nothing appealed to me (I think I may have a fever) teehee

*brrrrr* *shiver* IT'S COLD OUTSIDE!!!! I think today is probably the coldest its been ALL winter!!! *sniff* I want summer!!! *stomp* I want it NOW!!! *stomp, stomp* - Did you know that throwing a virtual tantrum actually warms you up??? Yeah, total rubbish hehe.. its all in the mind.

Firstly, thanks for all your comments from my last entry. I feel a lot better now, knowing that I am probably not quite that mad yet. I will continue to enjoy living by myself and my own company :) yay!!! So, I'm having a big party at my house this weekend but only I am invited!!! teeheeee (sorry, the cold is effecting my brain today). Oh, and Kyra, i'd love to get my brothers to set me up with their friends, HOWEVER I am six years older then they are. If the age gap was a bit narrower it might be an option ;) Who knows, one day when i'm a loony old bat I might consider a toy boy mmmmm *ponder*. 

Did I mention how cold it is today?

Okay, I need some help from you guys. I am the maid of honour at my brothers wedding and I get to throw the bridal shower :) Does ANYONE have any good ideas for me? I was in charge of my sisters bridal shower 4 years ago and it was really fun. But I don't want to do the same things at this one because half of the guests would have been at my sisters shower. I can't do the stripper thing because the bride-to-be is quite conservative and so are her family and I don't actually enjoy the whole stripper thing. But I do want everybody to have fun and to take part. There is nothing worse then going to a bridal shower and sitting there bored out of your mind while the bride-to-be gets embarrassed and treated like a 2 year old. I want EVERYBODY to have fun. So, i'm throwing it out to you guys in the hope that someone, somewhere can help me :) hehe
I was thinking of doing something with a medical theme. My sister-in-law-to-be is studying medicine. What do you think of that?

Time to go and jump up and down to get warm. *bounce* *jump* *crash* *ouch*

*****UPDATE*****

Its SNOWING in parts of Johannesburg!!! omg!!! it NEVER snows here!!! Thats how bloody cold it is today!!! I definately won't be doing my lunchtime walk today... woweeee

Well, they say that August is the windy month but WOW it is blowing a gale out there!!! We are in the throngs of a cold front and it is getting pretty chilly outside. Good thing i'm stuck inside all day ;) hehe

Today is my 1 year anniversary at my job! Yay me!! woohoooo!!! *bounce* *jump* *skip* I seriously can't believe how fast this year has gone. So much has happened and I have changed so much too. One of the best things to happen to me though, was discovering the exciting world of blogging. I am almost certain that if I hadn't been blogging and didn't have all your support and encouragement, I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have. So a big thank you :)

I just got myself a nice, hot, skinny cuppuccino to celebrate!! Cheers!!! mmmmm coffee... mmmmmm

I heard through the grapevine that our boss is going to be doing our appraisals this month. This means that I will hopefully *holding thumbs* get a bit of a raise in my salary. I think that I will wait on the car thing until I find out if and how much more I will be coming out with each month. It might be enough to get me a much nicer, newer car :) So send positive vibes please.

I have noticed that I seem to be very short tempered lately. I don't know if I can put this down to getting older, or maybe I am just tired, or who knows. But what scares the hell out of me, and this is one of my biggest fears, is that I don't want to be a lonely old grouchy cow. I don't want to be single forever and become the crazy, snappy aunt.

I was chatting with my brothers the other day. The one who is getting married has just signed a lease on his first ever appartment, he is very excited to be moving out. They were saying to me that they don't know how I can enjoy living alone. But I really do. I love having all that space to myself and to be able to totally relax in my own home. I have done the house share thing many times before and all I ever wanted was a place of my own. Is this normal? Or do I have "crazy old lady" syndrome?

I don't have a million cats yet ;) I don't even have a gold fish, so I think I am okay so far. Just keeping my plants alive at the moment is a full time job. If I do get lonely or need some company, I either call up a friend, or I go visit my family. So I don't see myself as being alone at all. I haven't, as yet, told one child to go and brush his hair, so I think there is hope for me still. Maybe I should start going on more blind dates :)

So, if you think that my ramblings are looking a bit on the grouchy, scary, loony side, please let me know so that I can book myself in for some shock therapy before its too late! ;)

Happy Tuesday!!!