Well, I did the car dealership tour on Saturday morning and can honestly say that I have now come up with the best possible way to waste a Saturday morning :) It was mostly my fault because I thought I was being clever by driving to the other side of Johannesburg to a road where I was sure I remembered a whole heap of car dealerships... however this wasn't to be. Well, there were a lot of dealerships but they were mostly BMW, Mini, Ferrari etc... get the idea? ;) Just slightly out of my budget. But its okay because I am not in a hurry and I will find the BEST deal for me :) yay!!!

WW wasn't too good either on Saturday. I put on 400grams. However being TOM didn't actually help and the fact that I wasn't totally, 100% good last week. SO I am back with a vengeance today!!! I went to gym and did 50 min of intense cardio! I am going to do my 45min lunchtime walk and get back into this properly. One bad week is okay though. I spent most of the weekend beating myself up about it and then came to realize that I was just being stupid and I have to be easier on myself sometimes. Life happens and I will get weeks like that. So what. As long as I pull myself together and get back into it. :) Also, I think i'm still on my runners high so it really helps too!!!

Ooh ooh I also went cycling again on Sunday morning. *grin* I haven't been for MONTHS!!! However, I think it is still a bit too cold to go so early in the morning. I went with my brothers. We left at 7am and I honestly think I had a mild case of hypothermia by the time we got home. It was quite painful and uncomfortable but I mostly enjoyed being on the road again :) I am very out of practice though. I have to get into it again ASAP because the big race is in November and I HAVE to better last years time. I am a lot more fit in general, but my legs need some work and I have to get on the road more. I think that my bicycle was happy :) I think it thought I had abandoned it.

So, before I ramble on more about nothing much :) Let me get started with work (or rather, go get some tea). I hope you are all having a great Monday :)

*NB please read this post as if you are Sir David Attenborough ;)

Good morning folks, today I want to talk about Steriotypes. Specifically in the motor sales industry. Yup, the car salesman.

Never have I come across such a typical steriotype as this. I truly do not believe that there is an honest one out there! It is quite fascinating to observe these creatures in their natural habitat. They stalk their prey with a precision like no other. Then they pounce! The unsuspecting prey walks away totally unaware that they have just committed to buying a car that is way out of their league or way below what they could be getting.

Fascinating!

I have been getting numerous phone calls from various car dealers throughout the week. It is incredible how the same car, same specs and similar mileage can have such different prices and deals to go with it.

I test drove the Opel this week (I have already mentioned this in a previous post) but one thing that amazed me was how the salesman worked. I wanted to test the air conditioner to see how the car drove with it on. And when I had been driving for a little while, I commented on how weak the air con was. His answer to that was "yes, it is so much nicer then in other cars because it is so gentle and doesn't hurt your skin" teehee how sad! I LOVE strong / "skin hurting" air condioning in summer, why else would I want one???

The one thing I can't stand about these car salesmen is that they don't EVER take no for an answer. They won't accept that you truly aren't interested, or really can't afford that top of the range car that costs more then a small under developed country in the middle of nowhere.

So, the weekend is almost upon us and I am about to venture once again into the territory of the lesser-spotted car dealer.  Wish me luck folks. If i'm not back by Monday, please send a search party for me.

Start your engines!!! Stay Focused!!! And have fun!!!

I've been quite slack with ww this week. i haven't actually been THAT bad, however I feel rather guilty about being slack even though its not really slack and its mostly in my head... (does that make sense?)

I am also realizing that I have issues (duh).

Take last night for example. I had only used 18 of my 22 points by the time I had eaten dinner, so I had a cup of ice cream as a PMS treat ;) and then I tasted a block of this new dark chocolate that my dad had bought. Now, I only really went over my points by 1, but yet I feel so guilty and angry at myself for being so weak!!! How bizarre am I!

The thing is, I want to be as strict and focused as humanly possible until November as I am trying so hard to lose a big bulk of weight by then. And having treats like this just doesn't fall into my plan. But the sad part is, is that they aren't cheats.. they are actually allowed and fall pretty much into my points for the day... So why am I freaking out so much?

I also had a fruit smoothie on Tuesday at lunch time. I calculated that it was only about 3 points for the whole thing but I was sure that I had made a BIG mistake and it was a lot more!

I often find myself doing this. I'll make a delicious meal for dinner, it will work out to be about 5 points (for example) and yet I will convince myself that something that tastes that good, and is that filling, can't possibly only be 5 points so i'll make it 8 just to be safe. If I am unsure of the points value for just about anything, I will find something similar and add some more to the value...

Does anyone else do this?

I really NEED to be back at gym so that I don't feel quite as guilty.
My leg feels normal today :) I haven't even got a slight limp. So I'll get back to gym tomorrow (hopefully). I have actually been enjoying this week of sleeping till 6 :) But I feel all bloated and fat and NEED my exercise.

I sneaked a peak at the scale this morning, it wasn't pretty... But it is TOM in a big way so I will just pretend that it never happened. So you didn't read this... shhhh

Well, I am almost not limping today. I have been coating my leg in Voltaren Gel and taking loads of anti spasm medication and I can definately feel a huge difference. But I still can't run, cycle or walk :( I know I should be doing upper body exercises but I just can't be bothered getting up and going to gym at the crack of dawn when I can't even run. It just doesn't feel right. So I have become very lazy and grumpy :) I know I will be fine by the weekend (if i'm not I will make myself be fine...) I guess a rest is not necessarily a bad thing.

I've got this friend. She is a very good friend of mine but lately I find myself coming up with all sorts of excuses as to why I don't want to go out with her. She is one of those people who feels that they have to look for something to complain about, otherwise it isn't a successful evening. Last night I went for sushi with this friend, her husband, kids and another couple. They have an eat as much as you want special at this restaurant and both she and her husband told the waiter that they would be eating the special. I didnt' take it for obvious reasons ;) They fed both their kids off the special without paying extra (which the restuarant are usually good at overlooking). But then at the end of the meal, she saw that she didn't have nearly enough sushi to warrant having the special so she told them that she didnt' order it.

I feel that it is so rude!!! Then she kicked up a big fuss that they had charged her for some of the extras that the kids had and ended up paying vertually nothing for her meal. Every time I go out with them there is an issue. I am a VERY non confrontational person but honestly I just don't like feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable anymore. I feel bad about coming up with excuses all the time but what am I supposed to do? I can't actually bring this topic up with this friend because she WILL take it to heart and I don't want to cause problems over it.

At least I can get it off my chest here ;) So thanks for listening (AGAIN).

Oh and yes, I think I am very pmsy at the moment so that would explain the mood too. hehe I'm not sure what my body is doing to me but I have had pms for a whole week!!! I hate hormones!!!

Yesterday I got to test drive the car that I am thinking of buying. It is a lovely little car but I honestly feel that if I am going to be spending that kind of money and tying myself to it for 5 years, I would rather move up in the world and not just side ways. You see the car is very similar to the one that I have now. The only differences is that it has aircon, power steering and is brand new. But it is still a bottom of the range car. I can't afford something better just yet but my plan of action is to start saving the amount of money that I was planning on spending each month on this new car and seeing if I can actually afford to spend it each month. And in that way I will also be building a little savings for when I am 100% ready to buy something. :) I just hope that my current car doesn't die on me in the meantime.

So, I am going to go now and wallow in my pms self pity pit.. hehe Sounds so nice doesn't it ;) Actually I am going to go and snap out of this pms self pity whatever it is I have. *snap* Aaah much better!!! teeheee

Hope you are all having a great day.

I had quite a busy weekend! It started on a very good note with me losing yet another kg at ww on Saturday morning *grin* I have now lost 5.4kg in 7 weeks!!! Not too shabby if I do say so myself :) teeheee

After ww I went with my dad to look at cars. I might be buying myself a brand new little Opel, but I still want to look around a bit more and see if I can do better. It is an old shape but has Aircon and power steering which are two BIG bonuses. I can't get nearly as much as I had hoped for my current car so i'll have to have a good think before I decide.

On Sat night I went to see "Break Up". It was really good and very funny! You should definately go see it, especiall  if you want a light hearted movie.

Sunday was the big 10km fun walk. It really was fun and I had a great time. The only problem is that last night I started feeling a tightness in the back of my leg and by this morning I can hardly move it :( I think I have strained a muscle or something and I am NOT happy!!! I think it's my ham string or my calf, or both *weep* I did go to gym this morning (which I think was a HUGE mistake) but I only cycled for 20 min to warm up and then did upper body stuff. So I don't think it was THAT bad!!! I am going to go to the chemist at lunch time to get some deep heat or something that will help soothe it. Anybody got a quick fix for me?

Here are some pics from the walk!! :)

There were 9 of us who went together (10 if you include Dusty). Very squashed car!!!

There were over 30000 people walking and LOTS of doggies (Big and small)...

There I am!!! The race was called "Walk the Talk" (sponsored by a radio station) I think my brother was taking the talking part very seriously!!!

We all got medals, my Dad, brother and me, even Dusty got one!! I have no idea who the guy waving in the background is...

I know i've already posted for today and it is VERY rare for me to post twice but I just have to share the most bizarre events that has forever changed my normal every day lunch time walk!!!

Firstly, I walk with a colleague of mine who is muslim. She wears the whole scarf etc... So, there we are, walking along our normal route and there is this Arabic looking man walking his dogs on the other side of the road. He shouts the arabic greeting to my friend and she responded. Next thing he is angrily shouting at her in arabic, so she told him that she doesn't speak it. He then said "Aren't you a muslim?" and she said "yes" (duh, she is wearing the scarf for fun NOT), then he starts saying how rude she is to not respond in the correct arabic way etc.. I mean how rude is that!!!! What a dick!!! So we hurridly walked away hoping he wasn't following us (which he wasn't).

Then, a little further along the road we hear swearing and cursing coming from behind us so we turn to see a very angry cyclist cycling along the road. I think he must have just had a near accident or something but WOW, the words coming out of that guys mouth!!! hehe.

THEN not much further along the same road, I hear shouting behind me "wait!, wait!" so we turn AGAIN and this time, there is a very fat little old black lady running towards us. I was like WTF??? She catches up with us and is all out of breath and pulls out her wallet. So, out of her wallet she pulls a piece of paper. So I thought, oh no, she is going to
a) ask for money,
b) try and scam us, or
c) ask for directions

(yes, the first two are very negative thoughts but this is Johannesburg after all) BUT it was none of the above!!! On her piece of paper is a crossword puzzle question that she had written down. teeheee She told me that she was working on a puzzle and needed the name of a rodent, that stores food in its mouth with 7 letters in the name!!! HOW BIZARRE IS THAT!!! I couldn't think of the name at the time.. kept thinking Chipmonk, Squirrel etc... Can you think of it?

scroll down...

Got it yet? ...

Okay i'll put you out of your misery. It is a Hamster!!! But I didn't think in time and the poor lady went off on her way and I went mine... But before she went away she said to me in all seriousness... "But I thought because you are a white person that you would know the answer"... Gota love this country ;) teeheee

Well, as you can see, my day has improved and I hope it will continue to do so.

Can't wait to see what surprises there are on our next walk... 

Today has not started off well at all... I didn't go to gym because I just couldn't get up this morning. But thats okay, one or two days of rest are probably good in the long run.
But then I left for work just before 7am, I got into my car, started the engine and put my foot on the clutch, put it into first and the car just started going by itself. My foot was still on the clutch. So i took my foot off but the clutch didn't pop back out... Anyway, I managed to get my car out of the basement parking of my flat and into the street. I stopped the car and tried to start it again and it just shot foward. So I managed to pull over to the side of the road and I phoned my dad. I also burst into tears because I just can't handle something big going wrong with my stupid piece of junk of a car every single month!!! Every time I catch up with my finances, something else goes wrong and completely clears me out. *weep*

Anyway, I phoned my dad and he came all the way from his house to help me out and lo and behold the car went perfectly. I hate bloody Murpheys law!!! grrrr So now I am all grumpy and stressed. I have to get the piece of shit car to the mechanic ASAP coz I am SURE that it is something big and I don't want to be driving on my own at night and then it does this to me again...

I also broke my promise this morning and I sneaked a weigh in.. It was all good but I feel kinda guilty :) At least I lasted 4 days... Next week i'll make it till Saturday again. FYI it was 84.5kg :)

I just checked the weather for the week and Sunday is supposed to be freezing cold!!! I am doing this 10km walk on Sunday.. eeek... Oh well I will hopefully get warmed up quickly. I got my race pack yesterday *grin* I love those things. They are full of so much junk but it's all free!!! woohoooo I love free stuff. I did get a tube of very expensive Sun Block in the pack, so that was really good!!!

I have just finished my 2nd cup of coffee and I am starting to buzz bzzzzz So i'd better get started on work. Byeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz

Oooh oooh forgot to mention that I have gone down ANOTHER notch on my belt!!! *grin* I also need to wear this belt with the one pair of jeans that I have never had to wear a belt with before. *bounce* This has made me feel MUCH happier

GOOOOD MORNING fellow bloggers (afternoon to those of you who are a few hours ahead of me).

I have a question for all of you gym fanatics out there. I have a rather annoying Bingo Wing issue (flabby bits under my arms). Now, in November it is my brothers wedding and I am a brides maid. I am wearing a sleeveless dress for the first time in my life and I HAVE to get my arms toned. So, because of this, I have been doing arm toning exercises like there is no tomorrow. HOWEVER, my arms dont' seem to be getting toned at all :( So, I saw a personal trainer standing around doing nothing at the gym today and I went to ask her opinion on my little issue.

She told me that its a myth that by working one set of muscles, you only tone those muscles. She said that when you exercise it effects the whole body and that my arms are just very slow and I have to get rid of all the fat there before I can get rid of the flab. *sigh*

What is your take on this? Do you know any cures for Bingo Wings?

I am doing a 10km fun walk this weekend :) Looking very forward to it!! It is an annual event and there are going to be thousands of people there. Maybe next year i'll be brave enough to do the 21km. I will hopefully get some pics to post soon :)

Last night I went to this market research thing. It was all about beer. Unfortunately they didn't give us any to sample but it was quite fun anyway. Some of the people who attend these things are really scary though. There was one lady, who kept talking about her personal issues instead of the beer. She was asked a question on how often she drinks a particular brand and her answer was "Well I drink Peroni very often. I used to have cancer and my husband is a minister and I now crave Castle (another brand of beer) all the time." - wtf???
The discussion was about Peroni (an Italian beer). We were all supposed to be Peroni drinkers (yes, I haven't ever tasted the stuff either) but this other lady kept going on about how she prefers German beer and only Germans know how to make beer and how the quality of anything in South Africa is terrible etc... All she was supposed to be talking about was Peroni!!! Which is from Italy!!! hehe

At least it was entertaining AND I got paid so I can now fill up my car :) *grin*

So thats it for today :) Have a good one!!

It seems my fears from last week were all for nothing :) I lost 600 grams!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!! I honestly thought I hadn't lost any weight at all, not because I was bad (which I wasn't) but sometimes I just feel fat... you know ;) I'm sure half of it is water retention and hormones.

So now I am NOT allowed to weigh myself at all until Friday or even Saturday. It makes me too anxious.

On Saturday night I had a few people over to test my shiney new wok. YUM!! It cooks beautifully and I vertually used NO OIL (only a tiny bit of spray). *grin* Everyone went back for 2nds so it must have been good. 

Tonight I am going to take part in yet another market research session. This one is on beer :) Should be fun eh ;) I love these things and they always seem to phone me when I am the most broke i've ever been. Basically you sit in a little room with a giant one way mirror on the wall. There are usually 8 - 10 people sitting around a table and we chat about a particular product or brand. This chat goes on for about 1 - 2 hours and then you get paid *grin* So easy!!! Pity I can't do it professionally.

After tonight i'll have petrol money again!!!! Boy do I need it. Has the price of petrol gone up where you are? It is sickening how much we are paying to fill our cars over here. And it goes up every month!!! *weep*

I don't think summer is ever going to come. I went to gym this morning and I really expected it to start getting light by the time I got home and it was still pitch pitch black outside. What happened to the days starting to get longer?? I think we've been tricked. I am tired of winter now!!!

So yeah, another very riveting post. Sorry ;) but it is very very early on a Monday morning!!! Hope you are having a great day!!!

I had the most bizarre dream last night and it felt too real. I hardly EVER remember my dreams but this one stuck...

I went to my ww meeting and instead of the meeting they had a huge feast. All I wanted to do was get weighed and pay for my meeting but every time I found the group leader, someone would come talk to me or something would obstruct me from getting to him. It was horrible!!! I just wanted to get weighed and pay!!! *sniff* I ended up staying for the feast, knowing that I was putting on weight with each mouthful of food. It wasn't even good food!!!

Then I woke up with the most horrible headache ever! Poor me *sulk*

Maybe my dream is telling me that my weight loss venture is turning into a bit of an obsession? But it has to be a bit of an obsession, otherwise I feel that my heart isn't 100% in it.

Maybe I am having pre pms pms?

Maybe I am drinking too much water and it is washing away my brain cells?

Who knows...

I also weighed myself this morning and i was 200 grams up again :( *sniff*
I have this fear that I won't ever get below 85! I know its crazy and I am doing so well and for me, the slower the progress the more permanent it is.. but still. I WANT to be out of the friggin 80's already!!! I am really working bloody hard on this and I want progress!!!! ARGH!!!

I know that I am weighing myself too often and from today I am going to stick to the once a week weigh in...

Its Friday, I am supposed to be in a fabulously good mood!!! I feel robbed!!! Evil subconscious!!

To all the Melbourne bloggers, have a GREAT time this weekend :)

To everyone else out there, have a super weekend and stay focused!!!

I am going to go and drink some more water, drown my brain cells a bit more and hope that this headache goes away.

I feel the need to write about this issue coz I am still steaming from it.

You see, there is this guy I work with. A really lovely guy, very sweet etc. HOWEVER!!! He has this totally annoying trait where he NEVER has any money on him. He is always borrowing from people and short paying the bill when we go for lunch / coffee. He owes half the company money but never EVER pays them back. And if you happen to have any form of food at your desk he will sniff it out and ALWAYS asks for some. 

I have had enough!!!

I just went for coffee with him and another colleague. He had something to eat and a coffee. The other lady and I only had a drink. So the bill comes and myself and this other lady only have big notes on us and of course this chap, lets call him mr schnoep sees this and promply puts less than both of us in the bill folder!!! So I think na a, not this time buddy! So I demanded (rather loudly) that he put in at least his share (nevermind the tip) in. He says "Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't notice because I don't have any small change on me".. So i'm like "Well then take one of the bigger notes out of your fat wallet and put that in" (okay I didn't say it like that but I did say something along those lines). So he pulls out a big note and puts it in. I mean REALLY!!! grrrrr argh grrrrr *spit* *fume* *growl*.

Right, thats off my chest so I feel better now.

Do you have any friends / colleagues like this?  How does one get through to them?? sheesh. It is making us not want to include him anymore. Another of my colleagues has started sneaking her own lunch so that he doesn't see!!! Oy vey!!

And yes, we have basically told him all this straight out but he doesn't ever learn.

So, another day and I am still at wok weight :) YES folks!! I get my wok this weekend!!! *grin* *bounce* *sizzle*

85kg 85kg 85kg wooohoooooo

My next mini goal is to reach 80kg and I get to buy myself some really nice sexy summer pyjamas!!! yay!!! I usually sleep in old baggy t-shirts and I want nice PJ's now!!!! Go me!!!!

I popped by Fatgirl's blog yesterday and her post got me thinking about how my life has changed since I started losing weight...

Firstly, I no longer have a panic attack whenever someone offers to lend me a jacket or some other item of clothing. I used to rather freeze then try and find excuses as to why I didn't fit into someone elses clothes and embarrass myself. Even lending someone an item of clothing was super stressful for me.

I am not scared to sit in an airplane seat anymore. I used to be so afraid that my fat would (and often did) bulge over onto the seat next to mine, lift up the arm rests and disturb the people on either side of me. Luckily I never got to the seatbelt extender stage but I got damn close.

I am no longer petrified to get onto an amusement park ride (depending how dangerous the ride is of course), for fear that I would be asked to get off the ride encase it breaks. Or encase I didn't fit into the seat.

I have been horse riding for the first time in my life and I wasn't scared that I would hurt the poor horse!

I can now happily hop into the back seat of a car, with two other adults and not worry about squashing them or causing the back doors to pop open ;)

I can now walk into most clothing stores and not get the (yes, there is nothing in this store that will ever fit you so keep fooling yourself) look from the sales staff. And I can now go shopping with friends and not have to pretend that all I need are shoes and accessories.

And I now feel that I have the ability to offer other people who are in the same boat as me, guidance and motivation and will hopefully help others to be where they want to be and to be in the same positive place that I am in now.

I still have a LONG way to go, but wow, I have definately come a LONG way already.  I can't wait to see how much more my life is going to change and improve from here on :)

How has your weight loss / change of attitude changed your life so far?

Now, onto a completely different topic.

I'm not sure if I mentioned my stalker before. But Just over 1 and a half years ago, I came back to South Africa after spending a year in Australia. I was just off the plane when a good friend of mine phoned to welcome me back and to ask me to go to her for dinner the following day. I used to spend a LOT of time at their house and I thought it would be great to go there and have a nice, relaxing dinner with good friends.
Anyway, it was now the next day (my 2nd day back in the country). I was rather shell shocked and still VERY jet lagged but I knew it would be an early and relaxing evening. But just before I set off to go for dinner, my friend phoned me to tell me that there would be a guy there (who they had become friends with during my absence) whom she had told all about me and he was dying to meet me. Oh dear!, there goes the relaxing evening in sloppy clothes idea.

So I arrived at their house and there was this guy, definately NOT my type but he seemed sweet enough. We had dinner and all was going well. After dinner we went to sit in the lounge to have coffee. So, this guy sits on the couch next to me. Next thing I know his hand is on my leg. (Anyone who knows me will know that I am NOT a touchy person) So I felt rather uncomfortable. Then I got up to get my cup of coffee off the table and sat back down. The guy says "Where is mine?". So I pointed to the table and said "There (you dufas)" So he says "why didn't you pass it to me", so i'm like, OMG what a dork!!! He kept going on about the coffee until I actually got up and passed it to him. (I really had to resist the urge to throw it on him).

Anyway, after what seemed like an eternity I decided to go home. It was late, I was exhausted (very very jet lagged) and I just wanted to be in my nice safe bed and asleep.

So I stood up and said "sorry for leaving so early guys, but I am very tired etc...) and this guy looks at me and says "you can't go, i'm not ready".So I told him that he didn't have to be ready because he didn't have to go anywhere. 
But he insisted that he had to follow me home because it wasn't safe for me to go on my own.
I told him that (A) I lived just around the corner and (B) I am a big girl and am perfectly capable of looking after myself. So I get up to go and he says "Well you can't go because I am parked in your way and I am not ready to leave yet". So I had to wait for the moron to finish his coffee and leave when he was ready to.

Eventually we get up to leave (he still insisted that he would follow me home). At the door, my (not so sublte) friend says (in a very loud voice, infront of us both). "I'm so glad you two finally found eachother!!!" HOLY SHIT!!! I was gob smacked. I actually was totally lost for words and just wanted to get the hell out of that twilight zone and get home.

So, this guy followed me home and I quickly drove into the driveway and closed the gate behind me (electric gate). But the guy didn't get the hint and just parked at the gate waiting for me to get out of my car. So in a huff I went up to him and said "Thanks for following me home, good night". But no, he asks me for my phone number. ARGH!!! I told him that it was a new mobile / cell phone and I didn't know my number yet. You think he'd have gotten the hint then? NOT A CHANCE!!!!

I actually cried myself to sleep that night.

The next day my friend phones me to tell me how much this evil scary guy liked me and that she gave him my number. HELP!!!

So, this guy phoned me almost ever day for over 3 months, and every day I told him that I didn't want to go for "coffee" or anywhere else and that I wasn't ready for a relationship etc. I didn't have the guts to actually tell him to fuck off :) (nicely) but I thought that he should have realized that I just wasn't interrested.
The phone calls eventually started to get less and less and after almost a year, I was finally rid of him. Well thats what I thought!!!!

Last night I am sitting at home, watching survivor when I hear a txt message coming through on my phone. I went to check it and believe it or not, its from this psycho stalker!!! It went something like "Hi, howe are you, are you still so busy at work?" WTF???

Almost two years and he is still trying??? WOW.

So I did what every normal woman would do, I ignored it :) hehe

Will I ever be rid of this idiot?

Just thought i'd share ;)

I went to ww on Saturday, I lost a wopping 1.4kgs!!! woohoooooooooooo. No, I still don't have the wok as this did bring me to 85.2kg but still, I feel so good :)

Last night I went to my friend for a bbq. I haven't been to their house for a LONG time and thus, haven't seen their other friends for an even longer time. So, it was really funny when each one of her friends walked into her house (at completely different times), looked at me, looked again, their jaws dropped and they all exclaimed how much weight i've lost *grin* I don't like to blow my own trumpet here but wow I feel so incredibly proud of myself right now and more encouraged than ever before! I don't think i've ever blushed as much. I can't wait till my sister and cousins come here in November and I can hopefully shock them even more. And mark my words! I WILL do it!

Yesterday I went to meet my mom and her friend for brunch at a shopping centre. We had a lovely meal and afterwards I went to browse around the shops. I went into one of the bigger department stores where they do make overs at the make up counter. I decided to give it a go :) I definately won't be doing that again! I think the two women at the counter were very bored and needed a little fun. I walked out of there looking very much like a clown, and I am sure that I have given a few kiddies out there some serious nightmares! When I got home I surveyed the damage and noted the lip liner that was drawn just under my nose, the speckles of maskara all around my eyes etc... hehe oh well, it was fun anyway and something different.

Its Monday again, thank God I am back in my normal routine and can't wait to see what this week holds for me.

Have a GREAT one!

I just want to say a big thank you for your comments on my last post. It really does help to know that I am not alone. It has also opened my eyes to the fact that in fatblog land, most of us have pretty much the same problems when eating at home! It is a strange phenomenon but probably not THAT strange :) I guess our eating issues had to stem from somewhere. But honestly, you have helped me a lot! I have formulated a plan!!!

The Bee's eating at home plan of action:
a) I will drink a BIG glass of water before dinner and during dinner.
b) I will make sure that I eat much much slower and concentrate on chewing my food well.
c) When I help myself to a plate of food, I will acknowledge that what I have infront of me is more than enough and I don't need to get more!
d) I will continue to tell myself that I am not in competiton with anyone to eat more than them and I am NOT going to go hungry! EVER!!!
e) If I do slip up once in a while (which I am going to make damn sure I don't), I will ensure that I go and do an extra hard workout at gym the next morning.
f) I will treat eating at my parents house as eating out and take extra care when dishing up for myself.

I'll start with that and see how I go.

Now, this morning I stepped onto the scale and I weighed in at 85.2!!! *huge grin* I am 200 grams away from my Wok!!! However, I am in two minds about this. 200 grams really isn't much. Do I take my wok now? Or should I wait until the scale says 85kg? I have been waiting so long for it!!! Working so hard BUT if I take it home now (it is in storage at my folks house), would I be cheating myself? Part of me says no and part says yes. ho hum... decisions decisions...

I went to pottery last night. I am really enjoying it so much! It is one of the best forms of therapy I have ever done! It just takes away all my stress and worries for 3 hours and then I get to go home at the end with something really nice!

BUT (yes, always a but),there is a dark side to pottery. Actually its the story of my life ;) You see, there are 14 of us in the class and each week one of us brings a light dinner (Rolls, tomato, cheese etc). Now this is all good and well but I have been noticing that almost every time I get food, there are a few of the younger girls in the class (younger being older then me but younger then the 60 somethings), who look closely at what I am eating and seem to whisper and snigger amongst themselves. 
Part of me thinks that this is all in my head but the rest of me thinks that this is real and totally bizarre. Why would they want to whisper and snigger about me? What have I done? I don't take a lot of food. I never eat the chocolates and cookies that they bring... *wrings hands nervously*
I do know that they are all friends (about 5 of them) and they are all designers and often freelance together. Maybe they feel threatened by my "new" blood? Yes, I have been going to pottery for a few months already but I am still very new. Most of them have been there for a good few years.

But then again, I often tend to think that people are judging me by what I eat (at parties, restaurants, weddings etc). I feel very self conscious when I eat in public. Yes yes, it all stems from my past... 
So perhaps this pottery thing is all in my head.
I would like to think though that I am not going batty ;) hehe

I think I am going to write a book called "Ingesting the paranoid pancake" Thats me! mmm quite an odd title... but it works!!!

Now, please stop sniggering amongst yourselves and get back to work!!!  

Happy weekend folks and STAY FOCUSED!!!! (just not on me and my food)

As you probably know, I am in a very good place right now. I am super motivated, very positive and am losing again after a long (self imposed) plateau. BUT I still have one HUGE issue and it is really starting to grate me now.

I have this strange situation that whenever I eat a meal at my parents house, I sort of go into panick mode and end up eating far too much and feeling very very sick and angry at myself. Its as if my brain thinks that I have to wolf the food down and hurry up so that I can get a 2nd helping before anyone else does. That there won't be enough food and somehow I might go hungry...

It is so bizarre and absurd!! I know that it comes from years of self abuse and that my brain is conditioned that way. But you'd think that by now I would have gotten over it!! I feel so stupid that I get like this but I simply lose all self control when it comes to eating at my parents house. I have so much strength and control everywhere else. 

How do I stop this stupid self sabotage pattern? I love my family to bits and I WANT to spend time with them and go to them for meals (also helps the bank balance at the end of the month ;) ). I know that my dad has pretty much the same problem as I do. I see it all the time with him and it depresses me so much. Will I always be like this?

*sigh*

On another happier note, today is the most beautiful, sunny, warmish day ever! I just walked to the coffee shop to get a cuppuccino (skinny of course) and I felt the sun on my back and breathed in the sweetest morning air. I love days like this! I wish I could bottle them and share them with you all. *happy sigh*

So all is not bad in the world :)
Go stand outside for a few minutes, look at the trees, the grass, the sky, take a long deep breath and have a wonderful day!

I'm bored! Yes, I am at work, it is now after 3pm and I haven't had a stitch of work to do ALL day!!! And why do I always feel so guilty for not having work to do? Its not like I assign the work to myself... But yet, I have this nagging guilt monster sitting on my shoulder telling me that I'm bad and am about to get fired. But seriously! It's out of my hands so I shouldn't actually care!!! But i'm BORED!!!

I've read every internet news paper (three times), i've read and re-read most of your blogs, i've played around with different designs for my dad etc... and now I am just falling asleep at my desk!!!! zzzzzzz *snore*

Why is it that when I am hecticly busy I wish for days like this. But as soon as I have nothing to do I am miserable and paranoid? Do you get like this too? It is such a strange characteristic of mine. But i've always been like this. At least I'm not turning to the vending machine :) Thats a good sign!! Although, after the HUGE salad I made for lunch I don't think I could ever eat again!!! hehe yeah right!

I also have another strange characteristic... This is a winter only thing. As soon as I get cold I tend to hurt myself :( Not on purpose! But I just walk into things and scrape my hands on things and end up with all sorts of cuts and bruises on my poor abused body. Its bizarre. This morning my hands were freezing and I reached for something in my grocery cupboard and scraped my hand on the top shelf. Fine, no prob I can handle that BUT then I did the same thing with the other hand about two minutes later!?! Now I have two ugly red scrapes on BOTH hands!!

I should hibernate in winter. It would make things so much safer and easier for me and by the time I emerged from my hibernation, my workload would be HUGE and i'd never be bored again!!! Wow, what a fantastic idea!! I'm so clever when i'm bored!!!

Didn't get to go on my lunch walk today, I think that could be part of the falling asleep at my desk problem... That and waking up about sixty two and a half times during the night! Yip, could be...

So, anyway, let me go and read the newspaper again just encase it has changed in the last ten minutes!!! So much fun!!!! wooohoooooo!!!!

First and foremost! Happy Independence day to all you US bloggers out there :) And happy Canada Day to all the Canadians!!! Hope you are all having a great holiday!

So, this morning I dragged my ass out of bed and actually made it to gym! It was hard, I can not lie!
So, there I was jogging my merry way on the treadmill when this perky assed skinny thing walked up to the lady on the treadmill next to mine. She was so rude!!! You see, the gym is fairly quiet at 5am, however it is getting a little bit busier now that summer is on its way (yes, it is still a while to go but these things happen). So, the entire back row of treadmills were busy, however, most of them in the front row were available!!! BUT, because Royal Gym bunny bitch"(&£("&*er couldn't exercise next to her friend, she starts (loudly) saying something along the lines of: "I can't believe how fucking busy this gym is getting, its rediculous. These people only come out of the woodwork when summer is on its way. It isn't right for people like us who deserve to get first choice on the machines. They should have a special VIP gym pass for people like us blah blah blah".

grrrr grrrr and more grrrrr!!! Then she spent about fifteen minutes strutting her stuff at about 7kmph and shoving that perky ass out for all to see!!! grrrrrr more! She didn't even do a "real" workout!!
Then Royal Gym bunny bitch"(&£("&*er went upstairs to the toning area, where her personal trainer was waiting. hehe It made me laugh to see her struggling to lift a dumb bell with no weights on it!!! Yip, she definately deserves a VIP pass...

No, i'm not jealous of her perky ass, but I was highly annoyed at how rude she was about other people trying to work out!! What gives her the right to even think that she deserves to use the machines more than anyone else? Everyone is at the gym for a reason and one should respect them. We all pay our gym fees, drag ourselves out of bed before the sun comes up! grrrrrrrrrrrrr

All that and it isn't even 8am yet!!! wow!

Thanks for listening ;)

I went to my ww meeting on Saturday morning. I put on 0.2kg but I thought i'd have put on a lot more (TOM) so i'm okay with that. At least next week I know I will lose loads more *grin*. But the ww meeting was very different to normal and I just HAD to post about this one and get your opinions too. I walked in to the room where the ww meeting is held and there, on the table were cakes and sandwiches etc... You see, it was our group leaders last meeting for a while as she has gone on maternity leave. But honestly, I was quite shocked. This is supposed to be a WEIGHT WATCHES meeting?? Where people go to lose weight and get support and guidance. I really didn't think it was appropriate to have cake and food on offer... I know it was her last day but there are other ways that she could have celebrated with the group?? To me, this was just giving people the wrong message. But maybe thats just me?

I had quite a weekend... You know I got my new washing machine last week. Well it was all connected up and ready to use so I did my first load of washing on Saturday afternoon. I read through the instructions and made sure that everything was perfect... well thats what I thought :(
I put the machine on and went to the kitchen to bake some (low fat) muffins. About mid way through the wash cycle I decided to go check on the machine to see that it wasn't spinning out of control or something. Anyway, I get to the bathroom only to see water pouring all over the place!! I had completely flooded the whole bathroom and the water was already making its way into the passage!!!
I had made sure that everything was working and set correctly, except one tiny little thing.
The water outlet hose!!! I forgot to put it into the bath so that all the water from the machine would go down the drain. Instead, it went everywhere else :(

It took me hours to clean up and dry everything. My passage carpet is still damp and smelly but thank goodness I didn't do more damage. At least now I know that I will NEVER do that again! I have learnt a BIG BIG BIG lesson.

So, that was my weekend :) I hope yours was better.

Happy Monday!!!!